How Sharp is Your Kukris?

Our Review

Well goddamn.

If there was ever one thing that could be more beautiful than watching a horde of wobbly-legged zombies eat their way through a bus-load of third-graders, it would be watching a Ukrainian-born model in a highly impractical, yet aesthetically pleasing nomad-chic ensemble chop off their undead heads with a set of twin Nepalese blades.

Sounds impossibly cool, huh? It is, and in the third installment of the action/horror “Resident Evil” saga, series heroine Alice (Milla Jovovich) does not only this, but she kicks, punches, shoots, slashes, chops, stomps, and telekinetically body-slams every walking corpse in sight (and looks good doing it).

For me, one of the most appealing aspects of the series is the over-the-top acrobatic (and often violent) methods in which series bad-ass Alice dispatches her enemies. Be it zombie dogs, birds, or Sunday school teachers, she’ll find a way to dismember any enemy, be it dead or alive…

For instance, moments before this suit up scene when a gang of dudes and their mom (who all look like they have a slight case of Hills Have Eyes-ism) tried to give Alice a good old fashioned rapin’, she kicked a guy in the head so hard that blood erupted from his face holes. So, naturally, they threw her (handcuffed, of course) down into a caved-in basement, an arena-like area crawling with zombified Dobermans. No sweat, she kicks canine ass, eventually gets the cuffs off, and through her superior skill with electrical lines and an unparalleled gymnastic prowess, manages to turn the dogs against their masters, finished off the fight by hanging out on the ceiling, watching as the others killed each other off.

This is where “Resident Evil: Extinction” has the only suit up scene in the series:

Dropping down from her vantage point in the ceilings exposed metal workings, Alice lands at a table; and kneeled, eye-level, she scans all the items taken from her, now laid out nice and neat. Here is everything you need to live a post-apocalyptic “Mad Max” desert life. Pistol-grip pump-action shotgun. Check. Two M1911 hand guns… check and check. Twin Kukris blades? Yessss.

Alice stands, her gloved hands go for the M1911’s first. She holsters them, slams them down hard. She follows up with the shotgun, which she slips into a sling that will go on her back. Last are the Kukris (AKA; khuri, kaanta, dafya), the curved beasts she wields throughout the film to much wet and sloppy avail.

The whole scene lasts for only thirteen seconds, but by eyeballing the merchandise laid out on the table, we know where she’s been and what she’s learned:

1). One pistol is never enough, two M1911 handguns are better than teeth-marks on your forehead.

2). Two M1911 handguns are never enough, a bigger crowd calls for a bigger mouth. With a shotgun, everyone hears you (also good for putting down those pesky bio-experiments gone wrong).

3) During Armageddon, ammunition is scarce, cut overhead by cutting off limbs.

4) Dress accordingly (when in doubt, cosplay).

“Resident Evil: Extinction” is a fun and violent zombie film full of choreographed fights, top-notch special effects, and girls with guns shooting shit (Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Ashanti, Spencer Locke); and if you haven’t given it a chance, the zombie-bird attack scene alone is reason enough to check it out.

Well, that and a Mike Epps zombie, that’s priceless.

Comments

Kirk's picture

I'm embarrassed to admit that I have see the whole series, but not this one... Yet. I don't know why I watch each one, I don't think I've cared for any of them. Perhaps that is my curse? I am unable to turn off a bad movie.

Cody's picture

that's part of the fun with these films, they know they're bad. the third is definately the best though, Alice is a Jedi.

Cody's picture


RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION TRAILER

Cody's picture

A friend of mine politely corrected my error in the use of gurkha as the name of miljo's blades... they are actually called Kukris, the Gurkha's are the folks who carry them.

Thanks Jeff!

Dennis's picture

My Kukris is sharp enough, thank you very much!